I Picked Up a Paintbrush at 45. I Blame Psilocybin.

"…the rich tradition of psychedelic experience as a creative catalyst and amplifier of imagination is beginning to receive legitimate scientific and cultural recognition."

— Lucid News

Creative catalyst. That's how I've experienced psilocybin. I've always been creative, but my creativity was a tool that I used in my career as a marketer, home designer and DIY'er and sometimes creative writer. But never art for art's sake. The creativity was always a means to an end, and that end was money. And, all of the sudden at the age of 45, I realized I'm an artist who loves art for art's sake.

I paint. I make jewelry. I play music. I dance. I tinker. But mostly I paint. And, I can't imagine a time that it wasn't part of my life. So the article "Beyond FDA Approval: Psychedelics as Catalysts for Creativity and Innovation" written by Dennis Walker of Lucid News really resonates with me. It's leaning into how psychedelics have helped shape business and innovation. But really it's about creativity- tapping into parts of the brain that didn't previously feel accessible.

That's been so true for me, and so many of the women I work with. Women who spent decades being the capable one, the responsible one, the one who held everything together, and somewhere along the way, quietly stopped asking what they wanted to make or feel or explore.

For whatever reason, as life goes on, the box we live in can start to feel more narrow, more firm, more rigid. And psilocybin helps remove some of that rigidity. Makes the box feel a little bigger, brightly colored, and maybe takes down the walls of the box altogether.

In my case, I've been on a mission to become more embodied. Because for so many years I have spent a great deal of life just roaming around my brain. Thinking, over-thinking, thinking some more. Sure it's interesting up there, but a lot of what's happening in my brain is just intellectualizing every experience, picking apart every detail, solving every problem and analyzing everyone around me.

I've been very intentional in my psilocybin therapy to focus on reconnecting with my body- understanding what that even means, feeling what it's like to live outside of my thinking mind and inside of the rest of this vessel. The results have been life changing and surprising. I started to feel more alive, more creative, with an unquenchable desire to create something new. So I took a painting class and never stopped. It's something that really does get me out of that thinking brain and into parts of myself I'm still meeting. I'm always surprised by what ends up on the canvas, and while I don't love everything I paint, I love every part of the process and how it's been life changing.

The box we live in doesn't have to keep shrinking. That's what I want people to know. And sometimes the thing that takes down the walls isn't more therapy, more productivity hacks, or more striving. Sometimes it's something that just lets you exhale long enough to remember who you actually are.

What would you make, if you stopped deciding in advance that you weren't that kind of person?

If that question landed somewhere, I'd love to hear from you. My work with women spans one-on-one psilocybin journeys, group integration, and retreat experiences. Reach out and let's talk.